barbara, please. (1)
Posted 29 December, 2004 in randomness, life shiz
my office has adopted the term “barbara, please,” to replace a similar but slightly saltier phrase that, generally, only african-americans can safely say, yet one for which there isn’t really an expressive enough equivalent in honky talk. the “barbara” part came from the movie mommie dearest, which i have not seen. in it, according to my coworkers, is a scene where joan crawford, after her friend questions her for bitch-slapping her daughter, flaps her hands wildly and says “barbara, please! please, barbara!”
everyone in my office knows mommie dearest inside out. i am in the minority because i haven’t seen it. i am also in the minority because i’m one of five straight people in a twenty-five-person office, and one of seven women in an office full of men. despite my liberal-arts PC vassar education (petey, that one’s for you, mate) and my taking of many bullshit film classes where we watched cult stuff, i had somehow missed out on seeing what i now am learning is sort of a camp classic.
one coworker loves mommie dearest so much, he actually dresses up and acts out scenes from it with his friends while drunk, and they videotape it. it is ok that i am telling you this, because he is quite open about it. he has promised to bring this video into work for me to see. everyone else in the office has seen it and proclaimed it is good. seriously.
at least once every day, someone will say, “barbara, please!” to someone in the office who hasn’t heard it before, and then they will proceed to have a spirited discussion about the film, complete with imitations of various lines. i’m not talking about lines like the famous “no more wire hangers!” either. no, these are obscure bits of dialogue. “helga, i’m not mad at you, i’m mad at the dirt.” is a popular one. another coworker’s favorite is, “that…is….a…LIE!!!!” with spit and melodrama flying everywhere. to accompany these imitations, there is also much posturing and lots of crazy hand motions. if i sat there long enough and listened, i could probably recreate the entire script, and not have to see the movie at all. but then i would miss the posturing.
i have discovered work is much more fun when people suddenly randomly scream things like, “you love it, don’t you? YOU LOVE TO MAKE ME HIT YOU!”