do not disturb the sexy (5)
Posted 29 October, 2004 in that is f'ed up.
a few weeks ago, p. diddy was on jay leno. he revealed that when traveling, he sends a team ahead to his hotel suite to do what he calls “preparing the sexy.” as far as i could gather, this involves candles and a certain scent mr. diddy called “tube-a-ruse.”
now, i am of the mind that one should prepare one’s own sexy, rather than deploying a team to do it for you. if i visited a man’s home or hotel room and discovered he had not prepared his own sexy, i would be disappointed. in my opinion, the sexy should change depending on the circumstances. if a team had prepared it, it might be the same sexy that had been prepared the previous night, possibly for a different woman. and that is just not special enough.
i also snickered at diddy’s “tube-a-ruse” perfume. ha ha! i thought. for all his hamptons airs, mr. combs can’t even pronounce the name of a simple flower. TUBEROSE, diddy, TUBEROSE!
but then i went to the fred segal sale. we went into the beauty section, and there it was. diptyque fragrance. tube ruse. yep, that’s how it was spelled. maybe not tube-A-ruse, but close. i guess i need to give puffy a little more credit. i sprayed the tube ruse liberally upon my arm. later, after o and i gagged several times at the sheer power of the perfume, i washed my entire arm with dove soap. still, the tube ruse lingered. my preparation of the sexy will include a different perfume, i think.
come to think of it, how do i personally prepare the sexy? candles aren’t a big part of it; we have some nice minty-smelling ones, but it’s hard to keep them lit when you have a little white cat who is curious about everything and afraid of nothing. perfume is nice; i wear white musk by the body shop, and have for years. i still love it. but liberal application of perfume can be dangerous when it comes to preparing the sexy. don’t put it in any places that lips might touch, because perfume tastes like shit. strawberries? only when they’re in season, otherwise they cost ONE MILLION DOLLARS! (raises pinkie finger to corner of mouth and smirks). champagne? o is allergic.
hmm. seems my preparation of the sexy is a little basic. when you’ve been married or together for a while, though, preparing the sexy tends to fall by the wayside. this is not a bad thing; i find my husband cute even when he’s covered in mud and sweat post-soccer. i even enjoy the alarming smell that emanates from him during these times. i’d take BO and wet earth over tube ruse any day. the sexy can show up in surprising places; o thinks he might need glasses, and while i’d like his sight to check out as 20/20, he would look SO CUTE in glasses that i would have to jump on him all day long. maybe my sexy isn’t quite as swank as puff’s, but it still does the trick.
while i don’t necessarily agree with diddy’s methods of sexy-preparation, he is quite right when he says, as he did on his recent White Party invitation, “do not disturb the sexy.” when the sexy is disturbed, all kinds of stress and drama result. look at bill o’reilly. his sexy is obviously very disturbed. perhaps he should go to fred segal and try some tube ruse.