freakishness (1)
Posted 31 August, 2003 in nuts and bolts
these are the things i want in my life: community. friends and family close by. a fulfilling writing job that doesn’t take up my whole day. a house with a yard. more animals. babies. for O and i to have lots of free time together.
but houses are so expensive these days that i despair of ever being able to afford one. for community and friends and family close by, we’d have to move to the east coast, or london. (or split the difference and move to reykjavik.) moving east would mean giving up my dreams of a tv writing career. i’m not sure i am ready to do that quite yet.
more animals/babies (hee hee! i wait with bated breath for the indignant comments i will receive for lumping animals and babies together. muahaha!!) would necessitate either O or i, or both of us, being home more to look after them. this would mean one or both of us having a good freelance career going. neither of us is at that point yet…we both still need to build our reputations and contacts more.
it is depressing to see how far away i still am from a lot of the things i want in life. but it’s also cool to realize that i am on the way to getting them. i don’t really want much. i don’t care too much if i am po’. i don’t need to be famous. i just want to be creative, and spend time with my friends and my family, and that’s about it, really.
i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, probably because i’ve been reading all kinds of depressing books–first, running with scissors, and then, the measure of our days, by jerome groopman. it was the inspiration for the show gideon’s crossing. it’s about a spiritual approach to being a medical doctor. dr. groopman treats his cancer/HIV-positive patients’ minds as well as their bodies. he asks them how they feel about religion, what they believe happens after we die and why we’re here…basically prepares them for death. argh! super depressing. but i love to read stuff like that. depress myself on purpose.
so i’ve been thinking about what is important to me in life, and trying to make sure i pay attention to that stuff only, and not all the other bullshit. it’s actually not too hard. but maybe that is because i am the type of freak who, when you ask me if i want to watch a movie, i think to myself, “is this movie worth the two hours of my life i will spend on it? will i, lying upon my deathbed, look back at my viewing of this movie and see it as wasted time?” that’s how i make most of my decisions. how heideggerian of me!